Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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