can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
