There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
