Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
