Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize