I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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