You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
