either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Randomize
