He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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