take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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