It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
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