just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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