i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
