She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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