i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
