Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
