We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
His nipple licking is glorious
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