my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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