Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
