I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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