Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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