I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
