the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
