does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
