I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
