i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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