I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
