I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
