I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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