No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
