So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
