He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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