I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
