I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
