i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
