She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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