I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
wow bdsm is so cute
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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