singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Too much gin, very little bucket
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
