JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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