chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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