I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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