Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
