I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
