I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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