i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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