I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
