...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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