So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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