My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
