I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
