my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
