No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
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