He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
