This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
