well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
