we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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