this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
