On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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