She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
