I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
