i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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