nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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