its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
