A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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