it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You are a genius and a whore.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
