I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
