Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm passing your future prison.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
