If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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