he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
