When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
