I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
