I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
