I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
