Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
