Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
false alarm, still single
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
