Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
