There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
