New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
