hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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