the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
