I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
