So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
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