So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
