This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
