ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
operation have a gay friend backfired
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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