i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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