I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
