Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Randomize
