You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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