Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
