**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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