I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
