Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize