I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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