I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
