Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My hand turned me down
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize