I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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