Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
