That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
