she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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