A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
