I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Randomize
