first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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