"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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