Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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