So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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