i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Randomize
