There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
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