It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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