Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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