i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
