It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
