my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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