Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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