Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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