Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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