just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
