I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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