He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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