pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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