I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
