I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
