Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
