you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
