She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
